


That Battle Royal You Mentioned

by black_feather_fiction



Series: The Lokitty Rules [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Asgardians are disturbing, Blood and Gore, Crack, Fantastic Racism, Humor, Implied/Referenced Torture, Imprisonment, Internalised Racism, M/M, Metafiction, No Smut, Racism, Self-Harm, Thor is Not Stupid (Marvel), Violence, Warning: Loki (Marvel), ao3 - Freeform, if you like the dark kind, no beta we die like men, or like enbies in my case, tag anniversary, tongues battling for dominance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:55:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28531800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/black_feather_fiction/pseuds/black_feather_fiction
Summary: Avenger!Loki is introduced to AO3 on a quiet evening at Stark's tower and promptly shares a story from his and Thor's youth. Most of the Avengers eventually regret ever having asked.
Relationships: Loki/Tony Stark, Thor (Marvel)/Original Male Character(s), pre-slash - Relationship
Series: The Lokitty Rules [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2090001
Comments: 19
Kudos: 200





	That Battle Royal You Mentioned

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jotunemo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jotunemo/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Hospitality](https://archiveofourown.org/works/550765) by [Mikkeneko](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mikkeneko/pseuds/Mikkeneko). 



> Find me on twitter: @FeatherFiction  
> I use they/them pronouns :)
> 
> If you want to blame anyone or anything for this, blame [this tweet](https://twitter.com/FeatherFiction/status/1336354802343628800). Apparently, there was a tag anniversary for "tongues battling for dominance" and this just... happened.
> 
> There is no Lokitty in this fic, sadly, but it's still part of the same universe/timeline, so this Loki is definitely also the Lokitty!Loki etc.  
> This entire series is also part of the Prestige multiverse, meaning that the same basic rules (the universe obeys to narration because the Norns constantly need to be amused) still apply. It's just a different version of the same story (frostiron) the Norns tell each other.
> 
> The fic is inspired in part by Hospitality by Mikkeneko - this wonderfully angsty and whumpy fic is basically a darker retelling of the same Norse myth, minus the tongue battling metaphor of course.
> 
> I've posted this as a separate work (instead of just adding a chapter to the Lokitty Rules) because there is no Lokitty here and I had to change the rating and add a few tags.
> 
> You don't have to know the LokittyRules verse or the Prestige verse to read this story.
> 
> Finally, as always, if you want to do a fic inspired by this, you don't have to ask my permission, just go for it!

Tony wasn’t surprised when Loki’s eyebrows eventually furrowed.

Seriously, it was his own fault. They were lounging on the couches in the living room of the common floor after having stuffed themselves with thai take-out, and Bruce had suggested a movie night, and Steve had suggested Harry Potter, and Tony had made an AO3 reference then that Clint and Nat had understood, and Thor had at least known Harry Potter, and of course Loki had immediately felt left out because he was familiar with neither. Before the inevitable pouting could turn into staircases becoming slippery or bathroom tiles being replaced by egg shells, Tony had decided to just shove a tablet with the right tabs opened in Loki’s direction, telling him in very broad terms what AO3 was about and then leaving him to read.

He even helpfully directed Loki to the Drarry fics that he had referred to at first.

Loki had at first looked mildly unimpressed, then reluctantly amused.

Then they had lost him for a while as he had gotten into one of the stories, his lips twitching sometimes, his eyes widening at other moments.

And now he was frowning.

‘Have you discovered one of the weirder kinks yet?’ Tony asked hopefully. Explaining golden showers to Thor had been a _lot_ of fun.

‘I’m… not sure,’ Loki said. ‘Just a moment ago, the heroes were kissing, but it has turned into fighting somehow?’

‘Oh, that can happen,’ Tony said with a shrug. ‘Enemies to lovers, it’s not a straight road, you know the drill.’

‘Yeah, especially you and Loki know that drill,’ Clint drawled which got him smacked over the head by Nat. Tony gave him a middle finger too – if there was one sure way to make trouble for Tony, it was to suggest that Loki actually _liked_ him.

Loki reliably (and a bit desperately) tried to prove the contrary then. He usually failed, but even the failed attempts had… unpleasant consequences.

‘Do I?’ Loki asked pensively. ‘I’m just surprised that the author suggests they would cast a spell like that on _themselves_. It seems… impractical, and probably fatal for both parties. Of course, there are fights that require a mutual sacrifice, but in this case, I fail to see a worthy enough cause.’

Thor frowned, cocked his head, ‘What do you mean, brother?’

Loki glanced at Thor for a moment, and some sort of wordless conversation seemed to pass between them, too quickly for Tony to make sense of, but Thor seemed to understand well enough.

‘Mhm,’ Tony said, not liking what it could mean for the rest of them if those two started conspiring. ‘I cannot say anything without context. Will you show me the paragraph, Lokes?’

Loki, painting that pensive and slightly bewildered expression back on his face, laid the tablet on the couch table and slid it into Tony’s direction.

‘Here,’ he said, pointing on the screen.

Tony looked at the lines, trying to understand what Loki meant.

‘They’re… where are they fighting, Lokes?’ he asked eventually. ‘I’m lost here. As far as I can see, they’re still kissing.’

He scrolled a bit down.

‘Aaaaaaand they’re STILL kissing,’ he said. ‘Ah, I see. It’s _that_ type of fic. No wonder it has 50k words. Maybe they finally proceed to opening their pants in three chapters or so, but no promises there. Porn without Plot indeed.’

And he shook his head judgementally, carefully ignoring how many PwPs he had read in the last few months.

Loki pulled the tablet back, scrolled upwards, reread the paragraph in question.

His brow furrowed.

‘But…,’ he said. ‘But… their tongues are battling for dominance. It says so _right here_.’

He pointed at the sentence.

For some reason, Thor straightened at Loki’s words, suddenly very alert, and looking just as bewildered as Loki did, if not more so.

‘That is indeed a strange sequence of events if they were kissing a moment before,’ Thor said. ‘But we know, Loki, that Midgardian literature is… different.’

That didn’t sound like a compliment exactly.

Clint, and he was not the only one, looked like he was holding himself back from chuckling.

‘Erm,’ Tony said, wondering how to put the matter. ‘See… their tongues are not actually… fighting. It’s a metaphor. A metaphor for kissing. Not a very _good_ metaphor, granted, but a metaphor nonetheless.’

Both Loki and Thor looked, if possible, even more taken aback, and slightly disgusted.

‘A metaphor for _kissing_ ,’ Loki repeated. ‘Then Midgardian literature is indeed stranger than I thought. What the author describes is a spell, Anthony Stark – a curse, to be accurate. And one of the… nastier ones too. I only cast it once, in our youth, when Thor and I… got into a bit of trouble.’

Thor nodded solemnly.

‘I remember it well,’ he said. ‘It was a sight to behold.’

By now, Clint looked… just a little wary. Nat on the other hand seemed genuinely interested for the first time that evening.

‘Okay, you have to tell us that story,’ Tony said. ‘That’s a team decision.’

Loki raised an eyebrow at him, but then leant back against the couch, apparently having waited for exactly that request, for he said, ‘Very well. We were travelling in Alfheim back then, on a very important diplomatic mission for our father, the king, which naturally meant that there was mostly a lot of hunting, eating and drinking, and seducing maidens and young men in taverns involved. After all, Thor was there.’

He seemed to mean that as an insult but Thor evidently took it as a compliment, grinning brightly and nodding along.

‘But these diplomatic activities, amusing as they were _for my brother_ , are not what I want to tell you about today,’ Loki said. ‘Imagine instead a dark forest, the brushwood thick and thorny, with hills and valleys, and the high and broad treetops making orientation almost impossible. The ground treacherous, at times solid and then full of holes covered by leaves and spots where the unsuspecting traveller could step into deadly quicksand.’

‘Are you sure you’re not just rehashing the Prince’s Bride?’ Tony asked. ‘Were there fire geysers and R.U.S.s?’

‘R.U.S.s?’ Loki asked with a frown.

‘Rats of unusual size,’ Tony helpfully explained.

‘Well, that depends on what size you consider unusual for that specific beast,’ Loki said, cocking his head. ‘Even in the city of New York, that question is not as easily answered as one might think at first.’

With which he certainly had a point.

‘But yes, the Blodig Skog certainly has no lack of deadly beasts of any size you could wish for,’ Loki continued. ‘And the largest of the animals are not always the deadliest. In fact, rather than dreading the gruigdrudes that hunt the woods at dusk, I most cautiously avoided stepping into snake nests by accident, or disturbing a venomous spider.’

‘So it’s a bit like the jungle, got it,’ Tony said.

‘Maybe, only colder and damper. In any case, it held treasures as well as dangers, especially for a mage, and so while Thor was amusing himself with another pretty elf lord and his court, I decided to venture into said forest. That was my first mistake,’ Loki said. ‘For though the forest was not large on the map, and I not slow, the sun travelled across the sky quickly without me finding what I was looking for. More concerning was that I didn’t find back to the castle I had departed from either, which was not only unusual for me but also turned into a rather acute problem as soon as the sun was setting. I was therefore rather relieved to eventually spot signs of civilisation – darkness had already fallen, you see, and I was not particularly keen on spending the night out in the open.’

‘You were afraid, brother,’ Thor said with a small chuckle.

‘I was _sensible_ ,’ Loki said, shooting him a sharp look. ‘One of us two has to be, and I know that to rely on you to take that part in any endeavour would be a fool’s hope. In any case, what I saw first was light spilling between the trees and I followed that light to an old and decrepit castle. I knocked on the wooden portal that creaked under my fists, and after a while, said portal was opened to reveal an incredibly tall but hunched man. A servant, as I found out later.’

‘Coming across a castle in a dark forest just when you need shelter. Well, that sounds ominous,’ Clint said now. He was leaning forward, evidently already invested in the story.

Steve and Bruce were silent, but they were listening too.

‘After following the unfriendly and taciturn servant through several dark and abandoned corridors, I was eventually led into a warm and bright hall and welcomed in by a crowd of giants,’ Loki said and as Tony opened his mouth, he made a dismissive gesture. ‘There are many giants, Stark, not only those of Jotunheim. As it was, the giants of the Blodig Skog were currently having a great feast to which they invited the young prince of Asgard quite readily, assuring me of their hospitality within their halls. I would have plenty to eat, they said, comfortable lodgings, and no one would bother me during my rest, they promised. They swore on the Norns even.’

‘Why do I have a bad feeling about this?’ Clint asked.

‘Because you already know that the story ends with a terrible curse,’ Loki said, smiling in a way that reminded everyone a bit too much of the days of the New York invasion. ‘This is called foreshadowing, my uneducated friend.’

Instead of continuing however, he leaned forward and took up his glass of wine.

After a minute or two of him sipping at the wine, Tony surrendered and threw up his hands.

‘Alright, okay, we’re in suspense, dear storyteller, and we want to know what happens next. Are you satisfied?’ he asked. ‘Now go on with the damned story!’

Loki looked very satisfied indeed. He licked his lips as if Tony’s words had been just as palatable as the wine.

‘As you wish, Stark. The giants, as to them, did not keep me in suspense for very long,’ he said. ‘In fact, they hit me over the head at the first opportunity and then stuffed me into a crate that was barely big enough to fit me without breaking my bones, closed the lid and locked it. Needless to say, they had carved runes into the crate that made my magic useless. After I had regained consciousness, they told me that this was surely a comfortable enough room for a tiny creature like me, that if I grew hungry I was free to eat my own flesh of which there was after all more than enough to feed such a puny body, that if I grew thirsty I was free to drink my own blood and urine, and that they would now stop bothering me and let me rest, intending to come back and talk to me again after a month had passed.’

Clint… blinked.

‘… okay?’ he said. ‘Now that has turned surprisingly dark surprisingly quickly.’

Nat’s eyebrows were furrowed, she looked pensive.

‘I think there is a myth like that about you,’ she said eventually. ‘One where you had to promise the giants to bring them Thor so that they would let you out.’

Loki smiled, looking mildly gratified.

‘Oh yes, that was the price they eventually named,’ he said. ‘I must admit I am glad to hear that not all myths about me are mere echoes of other worlds. I would like to think that my presence in _this_ world has been significant enough to inspire a few stories as well.’

‘That again,’ Tony mumbled, rolling his eyes. Loki and Thor kept insisting that the universe didn’t bow to the laws of physics but to narrative ones instead, which was completely ridiculous of course, except Loki had magic and much of what happened around him and the Lokitty could be explained with the crude sense of humour of a storyteller much better than with Tony’s brand of scientific logic.

Part of that _completely_ _ridiculous_ theory was that what _real science_ called alternative universes were in fact alternative versions of stories told by the Norns. Apparently, Midgard was one of those places where you could hear echoes of other stories, or AUs.

It all sounded rather like a description of AO3 and that was far too meta for Tony ever to accept.

‘So what did you do?’ Bruce asked.

‘I betrayed Thor of course,’ Loki said and shrugged. ‘I would hardly be Loki if I hadn’t. I must admit I was slightly irritated that they knew me so little as to think they would need such strong incentive to convince me of something that was in my nature regardless and that I would have done for a horn full of ale or a small wager or just out of a foul mood.’

To Tony’s mild surprise, Thor looked just a little taken aback at those words, and his smile dimmed at them, but he did not look angry exactly.

‘For being so eager to turn against me, you took an interestingly long time to actually agree to their terms,’ he remarked after a pause.

Loki shot him an annoyed glance.

‘Surely not that long, brother.’

‘Three months,’ Thor pointed out. ‘That is a long time to spend in a crate with nothing but your discharge to keep you company.’

‘Three _months_?’ Steve asked, horrified. ‘Loki – three _months_?!’

The room had grown eerily silent and Tony’s throat felt tight.

‘You’re aggrandising the tale – surely, it was _less_ ,’ Loki said and now he sounded decidedly testy.

Thor slowly shook his head, and Loki narrowed his eyes, then turned away from his brother abruptly, scoffed.

‘Well, as I said, I was irritated,’ he said. ‘So I was contrary on principle, I suppose.’

‘You allowed yourself to be starved and confined in a far too small space with no way of relieving yourself with dignity for several months _out of contrariness_?’ Bruce asked, disbelieving.

Tony… could unfortunately very well imagine Loki doing _exactly_ that. They all knew the trickster better by now after all, and Loki undoubtedly had an… odd (and _extremely unhealthy_ ) relationship with his own body.

Well, that was one way to put it, Tony supposed.

Loki made a dismissive gesture.

‘What does it matter? The end result was the same,’ he said, but he shot Thor another dark look before continuing. ‘I eventually swore an oath on the Norns to bring them Thor, alone, unarmed, and not to tell him what had happened or what would await him. And the execution of the betrayal was insultingly easy too – Thor had barely noticed my absence, distracted as he had been by his pretty elf lord-‘

‘Three months, and he didn’t _notice_?!’

‘Loki had a habit of regularly disappearing for much longer back then,’ Thor said now slightly tensely. ‘And I _did_ notice,’ he looked at Loki rather pointedly at that. ‘There was just no reason to be worried yet.’

‘And no reason to suspect anything,’ Loki agreed brightly, and winked at Thor. ‘Which was all the better for me. I lured him into the woods and to the castle with a few sweet lies, pushed him into a hall full of blood-thirsty giants, and locked him inside.’

‘… oh,’ Steve said after a pause, then turned to Thor. ‘What did you do then?’

Thor shrugged, still not looking very resentful.

‘Loki had convinced me to leave my swords and Mjolnir behind,’ he said. ‘So the first few minutes until my hammer answered my call and came crashing through the castle walls were more challenging than usual, I must admit. It was a fine battle, especially once the fight turned in my favour and Loki subsequently joined me.’

Loki seemed to be pleased by Thor’s words for some reason, or rather pleasantly surprised.

‘I had never sworn not to kill them after all,’ he said. ‘And neither had I told those imbeciles that bringing Thor unarmed was an exercise in pointlessness since Mjolnir would follow the oaf everywhere if he did so much as whisper her name.’

‘Right,’ Clint said, looking at both of them with new respect now. Or maybe it was just healthy fear – that was more probable, come to think of it.

‘The giants that were still alive once I joined the brawl called me an oath breaker, which I took exception to,’ Loki said.

‘Rightly so,’ Thor agreed and nodded vigorously.

‘I told them plainly that I had honoured my oath to them just as faithfully as they had honoured theirs to me, and that it was not my fault that their tongues were a slow and dull weapon, where mine was sharp and deadly,’ Loki continued. ‘The giants, who by then had realised their mistake and had a rather good guess at the fate that awaited them, began accusing each other, each claiming innocence and pointing to another who was supposed to have had the idea of attempting to trick the trickster.’

‘Loki was not impressed,’ Thor said with a wry smile. ‘There is little he punishes as harshly as an insult to his intelligence.’

Well, Tony would certainly testify to that being true. He was still slightly surprised that Doom had managed to survive that one incident.

‘I decided that since their tongues were already lashing out at each other, I would help them,’ Loki said, smiling brightly. ‘So I cursed them, forcing their tongues to pull away until they ripped from the giants’ mouths and fell to the ground. I made those lumps of bleeding flesh wrestle and strangle each other on the floor while their owners could do nothing but watch, choking on their own blood in the meantime. In the end, those tongues formed a heap of flesh in the centre of the hall, crawling over each other like slugs in a terrible battle where only one victor could remain. The giants bled out and those who didn’t die on their own were helped on by Thor, and the lumps of flesh eventually stopped twitching. Their pathetic battle for dominance had ended, and had left me as the victor after all.’

There was… a long silence after that.

‘I… might have to vomit at some point in the next few minutes,’ Clint eventually said. He did look a bit green in the face, and then he stood up and left the room.

‘That was disturbing to hear,’ Steve said and swallowed.

‘It was rightful punishment for a grave offence,’ Thor argued, not looking disturbed in the least.

‘Right,’ Tony said. He didn’t doubt for a second that Loki had told them that story at least partly in order to mess with their heads. Loki rather regularly mocked the mortals’ _delicacy_ and sensitivity after all, especially when it came to ‘coddling those Jotnar monsters’. So there was probably a healthy dose of racism and self-loathing involved in Loki’s choice of a bedtime story, no matter what he claimed about the Alfir giants being different. ‘Remind me not to piss you off anytime soon.’

Remind me to send you a few good links about internalised racism again.

Loki laughed.

‘Ah, you know me, Stark. I won’t remind you of a thing,’ he said. ‘I will just take my vengeance and be done with it.’

And wasn’t that a reassuring thought? Maybe the story had also been a warning then?

While Bruce and Steve were attempting to explain to Loki and Thor what unusual and cruel punishment and war crimes were about, Tony couldn’t help but wonder whether it was actually even true. Or whether Loki had told them a completely fictional tale and Thor had simply gone with it.

The tale being fictional _would_ explain their disagreement about the exact amount of time it had taken Loki to decide to betray Thor – Loki would of course claim that he had betrayed Thor at once (self-hate again, that was at least part of it, and quite a bit of pride), and Thor would of course claim that Loki had been coerced into treason (wishful thinking, or maybe a way of telling Loki that he could see through his brother’s masks, could see his self-destructive urges, Loki’s disregard for his own health and safety). After all, it was almost a retelling of Loki’s time with Thanos – and there too, Loki had claimed that he had allied himself with the Titan at once, while his body had told a rather different story.

It would explain why the story had elements of movies (The Prince's Bride, The Rocky Horror Picture Show) Tony wasn't entirely sure Loki hadn't seen already (hints and clues? Loki did sometimes leave those, if only for shits and giggles).

And it would explain the silent conversation between the siblings before Loki had begun his tale – a wordless invitation and a wordless agreement to screw with the Avengers a little. To play a prank on the mortals _together_ , as brothers.

A temporary alliance. Almost a peace offering.

Of course Thor would take it (had he been aware of the racist element of it? But Thor was not exactly ‘woke’ about these things).

And they had each of them added to the story, yes, but they might still have made it up as they had gone along.

It would be strangely in character for both of them.

And then again, it would definitely be in character for both of them to have done exactly what they had said they had done. For this story to be true down to the last brutal detail.

Huh.

Something to ponder during a sleepless night, Tony supposed. And he had plenty of those.

Loki smirked at him in any case, probably guessing at some of the doubts Tony was having, and the way Thor smiled at the others while claiming not to understand the Geneva Convention held a hint of mischief in it as well.

They were, after all, brothers. There was certainly no doubt about that.


End file.
